What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 14:29
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Have you ever forcibly sucked someone’s dick?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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I was 9 years of age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I've never read the book. What did Dorian Grey do that was so immoral and sinful?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
I said to her
Why is blood sugar ranging from 70-180 in a day and checked through a glucometer?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Put me off passion for life!!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But, we were locked up after school.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She found it foreign!.
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why did my ex replace me so fast?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was in good health!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was very sick at this time too.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I don,t even have a pension.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She wouldn,t have been !
What did i know ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
My family never makes their pension either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it wasn’t much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was scared of men, in general
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
All the time i was locked up.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My life is so biszare .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He knew the spot.
This is soul school!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I will be 64.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It was going to be , some day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Comes on , in middle age.
I write beautiful poetry .
Would this be the day?
We all went to grammer schools
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im still living with it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So whats the point in blame.
Ive learnt so much.
She married twice! .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I think the readers, may guess!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So, i spoilt her more .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.